Well I guess I finally went off the deep end... only for a short few moments but none the less... rock bottom was hit... a few days ago I tried to end my life via medication overdose... thankfully I realized what a big mistake I had made and threw them back up.... these following few days have been a blur... I dont really know how to feel... or even feel much at all... it's been pretty numbing... I haven't slept more than 2-3 hours each day sense which I'm sure isnt helping anything... I think about the only emotion I can pinpoint now is feeling guilty.... I feel terrible for what I did... I know I scared my sister really bad... I opened up and spoke with 2 friends about what happened... I hope they don't feel they are at fault or blame themselves or anything.... it's not their fault... it's just the endless battle in my head going on... the 2 armies met head on and my army about lost.... I have been just taking things minute by minute hour by hour... just gotta keep on going I guess.... I try to hide my problems from friends... I have so many... it just feels like I'm being a burden on their fun and joyful lives... third wheeling and fifth wheeling and trying not to act like I want to be anywhere else... half the time I just question why they want to even hang around me... the awkward, ugly, stupid, fat girl... the one who can't make friends, does stupid stuff, and doesn't do anything fun..... I try not to let it show around any of them because who wants to be around the weird depressed and anxiety ridden person.... the things we go for our friends I guess....
-You never know what someone hides behind a smile...
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